I Don’t Recognize Myself Anymore
Why?
Well the following are just a few of the things I have caught myself saying or thinking lately:
“It’s only 9:30am but I am EXHAUSTED.”
“I don’t remember the last time I did a workout.”
“I’m just going to buy everyone’s birthday cakes this summer instead of making them.”
“I want to take the kids hiking, but I know I can’t physically do it.”
“Kids, please turn on the TV and watch something!!!”
“I NEED a shower, but I’m too tired to take one.”
“All day I just pray that it’s bedtime already.”
Who IS this lady?!?
Certainly not me. I would never say those things. Except I have. Repeatedly for the last four months.
I don’t even know the person I have become—pregnancy and a major illness in addition to a pandemic have turned me into someone I don’t even recognize anymore.
I know in Ecclesiastes, Solomon talks about how there is a season for everything. But is there really a season where you literally only barely survive? Like, you just exist and nothing else?
Furthermore, I don’t even LIKE this person. I’m not a great mom, or wife, or friend right now. I feel bad for my husband and kids every day. I’m sure they too wonder where the wife and mom they used to know went.
Moms who have been crushing life during a pandemic, I applaud you. I am cheering for you!
But I also know that I am not alone in feeling like each day is just a test to survive. So maybe this isn’t our season to “get ahead” at work, build a business, or cross our goals off our list as we achieve them. I bet if you think really hard though, like I have, you can come up with things to be proud of.
Are your kids fed? Of course they are.
Does your husband know you’re trying your best? Yes.
Do your kids feel loved? Absolutely.
Do you still thank God every day, even the hardest days, for your blessings? Yep.
Then chin up, mama. We are all going to look back at this terrible time someday and we’ll have on our rose-colored glasses and I bet we say things like, “oh yes, it was incredibly hard, but we survived!”
Because how many times have you heard OUR parents and/or grandparents say things like, “We walked uphill barefoot to and from school, but we survived.” And you know they cussed or cried the whole time, but looking back on it, all they remember is how THEY became the tough generation.
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