“Just”–That Four-Letter Word

Take the word “Just” out of your vocabulary!!

I am “just” a small-town Nebraska girl.

I am training to run “just” a half-marathon.

I am “just” a friend.

I am “just” a fitness instructor.

I am “just” a stay-at-home-mom.

I could go on and on.

But now say it with me:

I am a small-town Nebraska girl.

I am training to run a half-marathon.

I am a friend.

I am a fitness instructor.

I am a stay-at-home-mom.

Can you hear the HUGE difference that that ONE little four-letter word makes? So why do I find myself using it ALL the time?

It happens when someone asks me where I live. I am originally from a small town. I lived in a big city for a few years while I went to grad school. Then we moved to a small city. And now we live in a small town again. And I LOVE it. I love the people. I love the family we have here. And although it is cliché, I love the sense of community. So many people welcomed my husband and his little family back here with open arms. And I am forever grateful. And I have made wonderful friends. So WHY do I have to put that word in there?

This one is one of my favorites—when half-marathon training comes up. Using the word “just” in this context—it should be considered a dirty word. Since when is it “just” THIRTEEN miles?!? I can’t even tell you how many times I have uttered these words or have heard them spoken. And I cringe every time! The habit needs to be broken!

It happened right away after I quit my full-time job 2 ½ years ago to stay home with our two-year old. I was pregnant and knew with every ounce of my being that I belonged at home with my kids. That doesn’t mean I wasn’t scared out of my mind to hand in that resignation letter, but I digress. I would be having a conversation with someone, and the topic of jobs or careers would come up, and I would say, “I am just a stay-at-home mom now.” (Disclaimer—I still work two days a week outside the home because, well, money and sanity.) Why do I downplay what I now know is THE HARDEST JOB EVER? Stay with me—I have now been on both sides of the fence and this is NOT a working-mom vs. stay-at-home mom debate about who has it the hardest. Both sides are hard. But I now know first-hand how utterly exhausting, how much of a gift, and how much of a responsibility it is, to LIVE all day every day for my children’s every want and need. Three meals a day, plus 3,527 snacks, naps, nursing, playing, disciplining, wiping bottoms, playing, teaching, soothing, bathing, doing laundry, cleaning, etc.–you all know all of this. And I admittedly LOVE it most days. And I thank God for the opportunity to have this title. So why does that word come out of my mouth? Why do I de-value all the daily sacrifices I make, the fact that I put a career on hold, chose my family over a high-income job, and never have a single moment to myself?

I think it is partly due to being taught that humility is the acceptable way to act in our society. And I agree, it’s a fine line to walk between bragging and being humble sometimes. But owning the fact that we are raising the next generation, or training to do a very hard thing, or claiming that our roots run deep in this place we now call home—I don’t think that is considered bragging at all. I call that being proud of what we do, being proud of where we are from. These things define me. I can’t speak for everyone, but I would not be the same person if I was still married to my former job, or if I never pushed my physical limits, or if I still lived in the city. So yes, I am proud. Proud to be a mom who put my career on hold for now, tests my body mentally and physically, and calls this amazing place in the country my home. So please, take the word “just” out of your vocabulary!