TJ’s Birth Story

If you’ve read our birth story with our first baby,  you will understand better why this one is so special. 

Pregnancy

We found out at 14 weeks that we were having a boy, but I waited until about 17 weeks to have a co-worker confirm it. I wasn’t sure if I should believe it, since it would be the first Gasseling boy of this generation. In Matt’s dad’s family, there are four girls and three boys, and only one of the boys (Matt’s dad obviously) had boys. And of those three boys, this would be the first boy out of five girls so far (there are now two and only two boys in this generation of Gasselings). So you can see why a boy was especially exciting!

My pregnancy was uneventful, save for spending Mother’s Day evening in the hospital at 29 weeks having contractions that wouldn’t stop. We did get them stopped, and then I had to take medicine (procardia) for the next eight weeks to keep them mostly stopped. 

So of course I was a little surprised when my “due date” of July 26th came and went. I worked on the 25th, and then it was already Sunday the 27th.

40 Weeks + 1 Day

Grandma Jeannine offered to come get Atlee, 2 1/2 at the time, and I really debated because I wanted to spend every last minute with her. So we went out for breakfast as a family of three, and then we let Grandma take her to spend the night. All day I puttered around the house, but also tried to rest. 

By evening, I texted my boss and asked if I could come to work the next day (Monday), if I hadn’t had a baby yet. I am not one to sit around and wait. We hadn’t been on a date in forever, so Matt and I went to our favorite Mexican restaurant in town. I ordered the spiciest thing on the menu—one of my favorites. This would later turn out to be a mistake.

Then we went to bed, where as usual Matt was promptly asleep. I tossed and turned, and felt like I was having a few contractions. I would doze off, only to be woken up by a contraction. Naturally, Matt slept through it all, until I finally got up to go pee and was surprised by what seemed like a lot of blood. This was around 11pm, and I yelled at Matt that I thought we should call our doula.

Now might be a good time to tell you about our decision to hire a birth doula. I think anyone who read our birth story with our first baby will understand that it was kind of traumatic for me (and Matt). To this day—9 1/2 years later—I can still hear the sound of Atlee’s heartbeat on the monitor slowing way way down with each contraction, and how I would get panicky with every contraction because of that.

I was in labor for 53 hours with her. She was “sunny-side up,” I had horrible back labor, pushed for over five hours (not continuously, we took many breaks to try to re-position), I ended up needing oxygen, the vacuum suction was used on her unsuccessfully three times, and I ended up with an episiotomy AND a third-degree tear.

I also just had this deep, deep desire to get to have my baby skin-to-skin on my chest immediately following birth, and since she was born purple, with the cord tight around her neck, I didn’t get to experience that. I was very much hoping and praying that I could have that in my second birth.

I was and am incredibly thankful for a healthy daughter. But I so much wanted a calmer, smoother labor and delivery. I needed a cheerleader and a coach. I was so surprised when a friend told me we had doulas in our area. 

I called Nicki and right away knew she was a perfect fit. Through my pregnancy we became friends and she will hold a special place in our hearts forever (she also attended our third birth, and would have been at our fourth too, had it not been for COVID). 

So—11pm. We called Nicki, and she came over. My plan was to stay home as long as possible (we lived literally three minutes from the hospital). I labored on the ball through many many contractions. They were getting stronger, and closer. I remember just talking and laughing with her and Matt in between contractions. I also remember petting our dog Champ, who definitely knew that something was up. She didn’t leave my side. 

Soon though, the contractions were getting really painful, and Nicki started timing them. They were only about 30-60 seconds apart! I decided it was time to head to the hospital. It was 1:30am. 

When we got there, they wanted to check me before I officially checked in, to make sure I was actually in labor. I think I was only about 2 cm dilated, so they asked me to walk for an hour and then they would check me again. So we did, stopping many many times to have contractions. I was then 3-4 cm dilated, so I was admitted. 

I remember a long period of time of just sitting on the ball, having contractions and just leaning on Matt and actually dozing offs in between each contraction. The lights were dimmed, and I only had to be put on the monitor once an hour to check on baby. 

I don’t remember what time it was when our doctor came in and broke my water. I think I was around 5 or 6 cm and so I finally stayed on the bed, because I felt like being on all fours would be more comfortable and effective. 

I remember our fabulous nurse coming in quietly to check on me and saying, “I can’t even tell she’s in labor. She looks so calm and relaxed.” I think it was nearing 6:00 when I was really uncomfortable and felt nauseous (I told you the spicy Mexican food was a bad decision) and said I felt like I needed to push. With my first delivery I was so distressed and had been in labor for so long that I never had the feeling of needing to push.

It hurt like crazy to push, and I yelled. I might have even cussed. I don’t know how to describe the pain of childbirth. It was just so incredibly different from my first labor though because I had Nicki’s reassuring voice right there with me, and I knew things were progressing normally.

I had a lot of disbelief though, literally, when Matt and Nicki and Dr. Bruner told me that I was doing great and they could already see the baby’s head. I had only pushed for a few minutes. Keep in mind that with Atlee I pushed for hours with no movement of her head down the birth canal. 

Less than an hour after I started pushing, TJ was here. At 7:16am I got to have my baby boy on my chest. Matt got to cut the cord, and TJ nursed within minutes. When they finally weighed him, he was 7 pounds 10 ounces.

So Much Gratitude

TJ’s birth was so healing for me. To see that I could trust myself and my body and my baby and my God to get me through the process of labor and delivery, with the help of a wonderful birth Doula and great nurses and doctors (I had great nurses with Atlee too!), was incredible. 

Don’t get me wrong–I did a lot of prep to help train my body and mind. I read and re-read “Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way.” I practiced over and over again relaxing my entire body through contractions. I made sure that my requests to be interrupted as little as possible were known by all. I know that many women can birth babies unmedicated with no prep–but I am not one of them. 

For me, having a Doula to was the most incredible thing. I know some L & D nurses might not be big fans, but having her there to help me was so reassuring to me. She helped me deal with the pain, and she helped me stay firm in what I had set out to do–have an unmedicated labor with as few interventions as possible.

Our birth doula recounts “I remember the intense bond between you and your husband and the change in your response to contractions with his touch! I remember you talking to TJ in your belly near birth and the explosion of love when you were handed your son for the first time. The room lit up for sure! I remember feeling the Holy Spirit tell me to let you all have some time together just you three to soak in the moment and I don’t get that very often.

Your determination and desire for your birth being so strong inspired me greatly.”

I feel so fortunate to have gotten a calm, quiet (until I was pushing), empowering labor and delivery for our second birth. What a night and day difference it was from our first!